I have heard this many times but I really believed it . The c word . Cancer. It’s common but I thought that we had (hopefully ) escaped it , through my dad’s removal of skin cancer on multiple occasions , a friend’s brave fight with breast cancer during Covid and an aunt with breast cancer.
I thought that was close enough, difficult enough.
I was wrong!
My husband of 15 years picked up flu in Disneyland in dec 2025. He was tired (so was I, 20 k of steps can do that) . He had a sore back (again , me too) no big deal, right? So, we tweaked the rest of our vacation so that he could rest as much as possible and then he went back to work.
His back pain continued and he started seeing a Chiropractor. After multiple sessions, ( in the past the Chyro has help his back pain) , he was still in pain. Eventually the Chyro suggested getting an x-ray. After a very serious conversation with the urgent care dr on the Friday, the pain escalating dramatically over the weekend, including some additional worrying symptoms, we decided to take him to the ER. He was in hospital for 2 weeks, undergoing CT scans, MRI’s and a biopsy. By the Saturday we got the biopsy results. It is lung cancer that had already spread to the brain, liver and bone.
We managed to get him home after 11 nights in hospital.
We were still waiting the genetic sequencing before moving forward with a treatment plan. He started radiation the first week home.
During that time, multiple things happened that literally held me together. My amazing friend Tracie, (who happens to be a nurse) literally walked through every step of the hospital with me. She visited Roger after her long shifts and rallied the ‘Pitt crew’. Between Tracie, Michelle, Erin and the Pitt crew, they managed to set up a go fund me for us (not knowing when disability would come) and to help cover the medical costs. They made us incredible food. Got the groceries, looked after my kids and even cleaned my house. They wrote cards, texted kind words and made sure my cat was fed. These people, friends and family went above and beyond with getting all equipment we needed, and all the extras we needed to make my husband more comfortable.
The kindness, love and support not only blew me away, but it also held our little family together in a time of great uncertainty. I have shared before, that I struggle to ask for help, but this experience gave me no choice. My mom got on flight and was by my side through it all for 3 weeks.
It’s easy to look at a time like this and focus on the negative
And believe me I have done my fair share of wondering, ‘why us? I instead tried to focus on gratitude even in the hardest times. Looking for those sparkles in every single day. I have no idea what my future holds and yes that is scary, but I do know that I am a resilient human, who can get through anything. Especially with so many amazing people in our lives.
To quote the late Holly butcher (in her open fb letter) ‘That’s the thing about life; It is fragile, precious and unpredictable and each day is a gift, not a given right. ‘Holly was 27 years young, when she wrote that letter. I remember seeing it on FB in 2017/2018. It was heartbreaking! I felt so grateful and slightly guilty for having a happy marriage and 2 healthy kids. (Something she never got to experience.)
She also reminds us to not sweat the small stuff.
That is something I have thought about a lot over the last couple weeks. The realisation of the number of hours I have wasted worrying about insignificant things.
When My sister Kerry, was diagnosed with a rare genetic disease as a baby. She was given a 4-year life expectancy. She recently had her 29th birthday. I have learnt so much about living in the moment and gratitude from her. It makes complete sense that my mom made such a big deal out of their birthdays. (She is a twin) Those special occasions are priceless.
As a teen, I was obsessed with Dawsons creek. Obsessed!!!! I had such a crush on James van der Beek). Fun fact: My grandparents names were Jen and Dawson too. James passed away recently from cancer. He was 48. He said, ‘these heartbreaking words. ’All these beautiful things that I love, and I used to define myself as – a father, a provider, a husband – all that got taken away, or at least paused,” he said. “I had to sit there and say, ‘Well, what am I?’ And it was, ‘I’m still worthy of love.'”
James spent any of his last days raising awareness for cancer screenings and if you are reading this, I need you to book mammogram, or annual check or what ever you can do. Please! I hate this disease so much.
One of my favorite movies is “About time ‘ ‘The movie follows Tim, a shy young man who learns that the men in his family can travel back in time to moments they’ve already lived. But what it really reminded me is to appreciate ordinary days, the little things and the people in our lives.
xx M