Struggling with emotional regulation? Working memory issues? How is it connected?
Memory, is something I have a complicated relationship with. I can remember my 3rd Grade teacher’s name and my land line phone number from before cell phones BUT I can read an entire page of a book and forget what I just read. Lately I forget what I am talking about mid-sentence or a word that was on the tip of my tongue. I am not alone, many other women my age have this issue. Most of my circle just say “PERI-MENOPAUSE” when anything in our body or brain doesn’t work.
According to NIH.org “Cognitive problems are common during perimenopause and have a significant impact on a substantial proportion of women. Evidence continues to indicate that verbal learning and verbal memory are the cognitive functions that are most negatively affected during perimenopause, and new research suggests that perimenopause may also be associated with deficits in processing speed, attention, and working memory. “
Recently I have realized that the fact that I lost a number of things in my childhood, was due to my ADHD rather than my lack of care . Its not surprising to hear that ” By age 12, children who have ADHD receive 20,000 more negative messages from parents, teachers, and other adults than their friends and siblings who do not have ADHD“. ADDitutde magazine says that “Many experts today argue that attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder is not, at its core, an attention problem, but rather a self-regulation problem exacerbated by weak working memory.
Neuro-diverse individuals can also struggle with Emotional Regulation
And yes, we all have emotions.Positive and negative emotions are a very normal part of everyday life and I have been described as over-emotional and highly sensitive for much of my time on earth. As much as I saw that as a negative when I was younger. Trying to act like i was super confident and hiding my emotions. I now know, that it is my superpower(now that i have learnt how to harness them).
In order to “regulate’ our emotions, we must learn how to name them. I found this skill as important for myself as it is for my kids. The movies Inside Out and Inside out and Inside Out 2 have done a fantastic job of this. When these emotions or the response to these emotions feel overwhelming, that can be considered being dis-regulated.
According to Verywellmind.com, dis-regulation may be caused by multiple aspects (including ADHD) struggling. One of the other reasons it may occur could be due to past traumas or neglect. Thais Gibson explains these theories in her book “Learning Love.” She shares how our attachment is established in our younger years and by understanding our attachment type, we can also understand our core wounds and limiting beliefs. She explains how our Subconscious (95-97% mind) stores information, formulates patterns and ideas to create a “lense” on how we interact and see the world.
“In addition, a parent who has emotional dysregulation will also struggle to teach their child how to regulate their emotions. Since children are not naturally born with natural emotional regulation coping skills, having a parent who cannot model effective coping puts a child at risk.” This is also known as Emotional Contagion
Dr Kelly Vincent on the HERself podcast.says that Anxiety is often the emotion we feel when dysregulation happens.
It is not surprising that mood changes and anxiety are often linked to perimenopause. The time before menopause occurs at different ages in different woman. If you are experiencing any of these symptoms get help from a professional. You are not alone! You are not going crazy. You DO need to talk about it and interact with others that understand what you are going through.
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