I have blood sugar stability issues. Or so I thought? What was actually happening, was that, I was ignoring my hunger until the point of feeling sick.
Why do we ignore our needs? I know for me it had a lot to do with comparing. Comparing my body with others, my plate with others, my needs with others. I thought if no one else needed lunch then I shouldn’t either. But our bodies are wonderful and they remind us that we are not like anyone else. We are unique and our hunger and fullness cues are too.
By getting to the point of feeling nauseous was my body’s way of telling me, ‘ hey? , I asked you nicely and you didnt listen, now I am telling you. Feed me! 😆’
So why was I truly ignoring my needs?
Could it have come from my people-pleasing tendencies? My need for acceptance and to be liked?
Growing up, I always thought I was a bit of a daredevil. I loved rollercoasters! I thought I was going to be a motorbike chick and fly aeroplanes, yet, at the same time, after learning about the enneagram I am 100% a two/the helper. My enneagram number is defined by a deep need to give and receive love through acts of service. We need to be needed. Us 2’s find purpose in helping others and prioritising the relationships in our lives. We can feel ashamed of our emotional needs (hence the people pleasing) and have a core fear of rejection. We need alone time and self-ca re to feel our best and not burn out.
Even when I had reached full-blown burnout.
The point where I could not even function anymore, having panic attacks and not sleeping. I still questioned if I was anxious enough to get help. I needed therapy but I needed someone else to permit me to book that appointment. Or when I was severely depressed in both my pregnancies, yet never felt like I was sad enough, to get help.
Why do we ignore our needs? Is it something we learned by growing up in the ’80s/’90s? About the good girl? Being compliant? Camilla Lundin speaks about this topic in her TED talk. She explains that her mom didn’t want to raise a ‘good girl’, someone motivated by external validation. She describes being a good girl as being quiet, kind, motivated to please everyone, good grades in school, and not to make ANY mistakes. She wonders if this is linked to how many women entrepreneurs there are today. Her talk reminds me how much failure teaches us. Making mistakes is key to growth. (The only true failure is giving up! )
Leaving my corporate job to pursue coaching was a risk, and starting my business was a risk. Starting my podcast was a huge risk. Instead of worrying about it being perfect, I just kept going. My need to help other moms was more important than its perfection. I finally looked inward and said, “If this helps one mom, then it’s worth it.” Perhaps my imperfection would even give someone the courage to try something new and scary. Progress is always better than perfection.
Life became so much more enjoyable for me when I learnt to let go of what I couldn’t control.
When I learnt to stop stressing about those things that we have no control over. Life is all about seasons. What may seem overwhelming today might not tomorrow. Marie Forleo speaks about a phrase from learnt from her mother ‘Everything is figuroutable!” Marie turned that phrase into a business, a book and so much more. Not only that she also made it ok, to have many passions. To do things differently. She is such a great example of tenacity. She encourages us to have big dreams and goals but also be ok to change our minds too.
My sister Kerry is a pure example of this. She was diagnosed with a rare genetic disease and given 5 number of years to live. She is 28 years old today. She not only outlived her doctors, but she has also written a book, is an advocate for change, and has helped so many. She has taught me about asking for what I need. Kerry needs help to do many things, like getting dressed, or even making something to eat. Things able-bodied people often take for granted.
Mindfulness helps me tune into the here and now. When using awareness in a non-judgemental way, we can be clear on thoughts, emotions and body sensations. Mindfulness can be cultivated through practices such as meditation, yoga, and simply noticing and accepting one’s thoughts and feelings as they arise. By doing this regularly , we are able figure out what we need and then, ask for help.
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M x