David Kessler (grief .com) has 30 years of experience with grief and has lived through major loss in his life, more than once. He explains that’ He lost his mother at 13, she was in ICU and he was not allowed to be with her during this time, he also later on in life lost his son. He says that “Love and grief are a package deal’. In the same way we love summer, yet it cannot last forever. We need spring, winter and fall just as much. We also need to weather the storm in order to appreciate the rainbow. And it’s true, the one thing we know about life, is that is doesn’t last forever. Everyone will at some point or another, deal with loss. A major / life altering loss.
If every one of us will experience grief at one point in our lives.
Why does no one to talk about it? Perhaps we think that if we don’t bring it up, they (the person experiencing the loss) won’t think about their loss. But that’s just not true. Instead, the grieving are still in pain. They just feel more alone.
David says stop putting a timeline on grief. Every single one of us grieves differently. There is no specific about of time that needs to pass before we are ok. We need to cry every cry, but during this time it is important to find the right person to grieve with. David , had people all around him after he lost his son. It was the people that were there for him without judgement helped him so much.
What can judgement look like?
Grieving for long enough? Sometimes people comment on this. Their comments can make us feel like we are grieving incorrectly. There is no such thing. What we need, is to have people who get it. Did you know? The average amount of time taken before seeking help is 5 years.’ 5 years before we ask for help. 5 years of isolation. How can we be better at dealing with grief? We need talk about openly about grief and loss with people we can really trust. We can remove judgment and be there, with an open heart when a loved one is in need.
What to say and what to never say. Like I said earlier, there is nothing you can say to “fix” this situation but by avoiding talking about it doesnt help either. Try “How are you doing today?” Instead of “How are you doing? Sheryl Sandburg opens up in her interview with Oprah on Super Soul Sundays Podcast. She wrote the book Option B with Adam Grant after her husband suddenly passed away on vacation.
She shared her biggest fear was that her kids would never be happy again. I can relate to this. When my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 Lung cancer in 2026, my first worry was also my kids. How do I tell them? How do I help them cope with this news. Her advice was to remind them that they are not alone, that they are surrounded by people that LOVE them. Honestly, this was the thing that helped me to. Just knowing how many amazing people I have in my life. Her 2016 UC Berkley commencement speech was only a year after Dave’s passing. She shares lessons about hope, gratitude and perseverance.
Grief is not only losing someone ,
It can also be losing an identity like becoming a mom. Losing an occupation or career. Even losing a life we thought we would have. Expecting a lifelong marriage and then dealing with divorce.
Grief can also show up in health too, when your mind is there and your body doesn’t listen. Or losing your mind and memories is diseases like Altheimer’s disease. Chronic and terminal disease changes everything about you.
In “Lean in”, Sheryl wrote a whole chapter on making your partner a partner. She admits being wrong. She has spent a huge about of time thinking about ‘how hard it is to do well at work, when they are alone at home. ‘How can we change that? How can we support single mothers and fathers trying to do it all?
Grief can be a lesson
It will teach us about life. And yes, we will all experience grief at some point. But we don’t need to wait for something tragic to happen before we make a change. Who can you support right now? Who needs someone to talk to right now? Post traumatic growth is a real thing. It’s a theory that explains the transformation some people experience following trauma. Life is short, experience joy and find gratitude every day.
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