‘A boundary marks the end of an area ‘according to the dictionary but within relationships it marks our limits. The amount we can cope with before it all just becomes too much. When we ignore boundaries, our bodies actually fight back and that is where we end up with burnout.
If boundaries are so important, why do we pay so little attention to them? Boundaries are learned through trial and error. As humans we have a deep need for connection, to belong. So, we often put ourselves second in the hopes of finding that connection and belonging. This is where we often see people pleasing. It’s that very primal need to be loved.
Unfortunately, we often learn through mistakes and take time to look back and reflect.
A very important boundary to figure out is who to listen to or take advice from. This is especially important in becoming a mother.
Mark Twain said “comparison is the death of joy.” Why do we let other people’s opinions matter so much to us? Instead, we need to decide on whose values we admire. We must look deeper into their ethics and really focus on what is important to us. When someone special comes around that shares these beliefs and values we need to hold on to them. These people do not come around very often.
Without realising , comparison sneaks its way into everyday life. But does a negative Facebook comment really matter? Especially if it is from someone you don’t even know? Or does a great business woman like Oprah ‘s opinion hold more ground? Take the advice of the people that matter, the special ones.
Sari Gillman says ‘our yes ‘s and no ‘s defines our story.
I still remember a quote in my teacher’s class in primary / elementary school. It said ‘one of the most important things that I have learned ….is that life is all about choices. On every journey you take, you face choices. At every fork in the road, you make a choice. And it is those decisions that shape our lives. – Mike DeWine. That quote made such a strong impact on me at the that point in my life. It reminds me to stay authentic to want I believe and what I want.
Sari also says that we can reduce our stress levels but tuning into our boundaries and respecting them. We can do this by using self-care, companionship, learning to play, and of course rest.
How to get started in building better boundaries and therefore protecting yourself from stress? Dig deep. Ask yourself….
- When was I last angry? Why
- When did I last feel resentful? Why?
- When did I last feel anxious? Or eve sad? What was I doing?
- When did I last feel under-appreciated? All of these answers will guide you where you need to start with your boundaries
Daily Reflection like journaling can also help with our self-love and self-worth.
Ask yourself:
1. What makes you smile?
2.Who inspires you?
3.What is your biggest dream?
4.What is your favourite story from your childhood?
Self-doubt is the enemy here. Every time a negative thought pops into our heads. We need to squish it or reframe it to something positive. Using affirmations can be really helpful. Self-compassion is key when times are tough and gratitude when things are going well.
Need some help setting up boundaries. Get in touch here, I would love to connect.